i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
