We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
