i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
