I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
