he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
