I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
