I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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