Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
