you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
