Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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