My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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