Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
