The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
