Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this will be a night to untag.
where are you?
Hypothermia
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
