I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
