just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
