i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
