I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
