the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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