I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
