Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
