this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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