just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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