we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
