There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
