either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
