cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
