I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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