There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
