you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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