D3 body, D1 cock
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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