The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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