Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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