sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
