I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
