Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm too high and old for this...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
