I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
