I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
