I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
