I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my being single is dangerous.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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