oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
