well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
