the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
