please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
