Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
