he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
