I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
