Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
