Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
