I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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