wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I FOUND THE LEGS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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