I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
