every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
