oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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